Saturday June 20th at 17:30

I dont even know how to feel anymore. I lash out in anger, my mother feeds my irrational delusions like putting salt on a wound, my brother relishes in every one of my falters. He genuinely finds joy in my sorrow, and even more in my failure. My mom is avoidant, and when I try to explain how she makes me feel sometimes it feels like talking to a brick wall. He will go to the house party tomorrow, im not invited. Thats okay. Who cares. I do, obviously. Again this lonely feeling. It never goes away. I won't allow anybody else to be the captain of my life.  God I hope this all passes soon. OH, and now im fat but for real this time. so there's that.